Each night I stare at the sky
the thousands of twinkling stars
and I imagine you there
dancing among the Moonbeams.

And the tears flow like rain
as I think of the time we were together
I am broken now, lost without you
But I know, the thing that will always connect us
are our Heartstrings

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Tears and Cupcakes

I still have the headache, if it isn't gone by the first of the week I will go back to the doctor. Speaking of which my ortho doctor retired today, no notice and no replacement and I am in desperate need of shots in the knees, I can not bear weight for more than a few steps. Now if I find a new doctor that will take me despite being without insurance, he/she will run a few thousand in test that will say exactly what the others said - I need new knees. I don't have the cash (prolly around $60 or $70,000, Up till now I would get the shots and be able to tolerate the knees for a few weeks or a month or so. I may be an RN but I get very frustrated with doctors, insurance and the whole medial system.

So, I have cried all week. I just gotta get thrru the weekend. Not only does my body hurt, but my heart is broken. The pain of losing her is so bad, at times I can't breath. I started, along with Bill, grief counseling. I hope it helps.

I didn't want soggy cupcakes, so still don't have them done. I think I will send Bill for boxed mixes in the morning and use them, will still make frosting from scratch then maybe no one will figure out, or care the cake wasn't homemade.

Ryder, my second grandson, came out after ball practise to help with favor bags and spend the night. He has grown into a wonderful young man and I know Jessika is proud of him. I will have the whole crew after school tomorrow until Monday morning. I love having them here, I can't do anything much now but the boys and Bill help out so much. I couldn't do it without them. It is also a great time for Bill to help them with their cooking skills. I have reminded them that there are several generation of men in my family who were chefs or cooks, so they need to develop those skills so they can take care of themselves.

Time to head for bed. I will be back the first of the week, hopefully with pics of the pirate crew.

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