Each night I stare at the sky
the thousands of twinkling stars
and I imagine you there
dancing among the Moonbeams.

And the tears flow like rain
as I think of the time we were together
I am broken now, lost without you
But I know, the thing that will always connect us
are our Heartstrings

Sunday, April 15, 2012


This was a great weekend. My tears only dropped a few times, and those were in private. Praying this is start of healing. I was able to talk about Jessika several times only loosing a few tears.

We had all the kids this weekend. Since there had been some rain, Bill couldn't get into the field. So we went fishing, 4 wheeler riding and picnicking.

We headed up to the lake owned by a long time friend. It was drizzling a little off and on all morning, but we had sunshine in the afternoon.

Ava Beth caught the first fish of the day, but dropped it on the dock and it flopped back into the water. She was okay with it, she just wanted to keep fishing and she did end up with one on the stringer.

Instead of Easter Baskets this year we got a gift for the kids. The three oldest boys (9, 13, 15) were thrilled with a tent of their own, a pretty good size one that would hold them and 3 friends easily. (I tend to over pack so our tent is a bit crowded). Ava Beth and Rylan both got little rod and reels and a small tackle box with a few lures in it. Ava kept playing in hers and managed to slice her finger. I sent her to the van to grab the first aid kit. We got it cleaned, medicated and a band aid on. Rylan came over to see what was going on and eyed the first aid kit. Then in his very adult voice informed us that the kit was for emergencies. Cracked us up, we didn't know that he knew that word.

Rylan was so into peeing in the great outdoors that I think he went every hour. He did get a little while with his aim and came close to giving himself a shower.  Rylan caught the last fish of the day, a crappie. Bill wanted to take a picture of him and his fish. Well Rylan dropped the fish and for 30 minutes he cried because he thought he hurt his fish. I don't think we are going to tell him we are going to eat it. I am afraid that would traumatize him.  We did end up with 25 crappie and one bass yesterday. The boys and Bill were up till 1:00 trying to get them all cleaned and in the freezer. Today Bill and Rase went back up to do a little more riding and fish a bit. They said the fish weren't biting today so they only brought home 2 crappie and one bass. I see a fish fry in our future.

We are planning on camping a lot this year. Yes,we do tent camp, but it isn't really roughing it lol. So our tent is big, nicely big. It is divided into 2 rooms, not by a curtain but by a built in divider with a zip door. We have a queen size air mattress, an inflatable couch that doubles as a queen size bed, and a ton of cots for whomever. I have 5x7 rugs on both sides of the tent. A porta potty is not a luxury so I have one on the same side as our bed. We have all the kitchen stuff we could possibly need including a gas toaster oven (Bs & Gs are so much better when eaten in the great outdoors. I may get a few pics when we set up again.

This lady is wiped out. The kids all went home this evening, I think they are worn out also and are ready for bed.

 There was a lot of moss this time, probably due to the warm temps, the wind shoved it all over to where we were fishing, but it didn't stop us.
Ava Beth and Bertha's broken curtain rod.

Rylan and his first catch ever.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012


So today is a high pain day for me so I am just laying here, trying to teach the cat the proper way to lay down (she thinks she is a dog so I am having Pete and Giz lay over and over again to model for her, I think they are tired though as Pete is letting loose with a loud sigh each time, and now Giz is under the bed lol). So far she is uninterested, still goes to where she wants to lay and just plops over. I think maybe I should video it, cause you gotta see it to believe it.

I am afraid I have become quite addicted to some Face Book games. Crescent solitaire and Garden of Time consume just a bit more time than they should. Although, I am becoming quite adept and playing while carrying on a conversation. I can't play them on my Kindle or the Touchpad so I was going through serious withdrawal.

I am also trying to figure out a way to gently break it to Bill that I have turned our yard into an orchard. Boys aren't gonna be real happy either as it will cut the room they have for baseball toss and football. Oh well.

Bill came home yesterday and is very concerned about the weather. All those really warm days we had caused the wheat to come out of dormancy, grow and now they are developing heads. Well if it gets as cold as predicted (frost warning, freeze advisory) the whole wheat crop could be wiped out. Please send warm energies to our wheat crop.

We have dealt with enough bad things over the last 2 years, I really hope the wheat is not affected and we can begin to see a turnaround with our luck.

Lance (Jessika's ex husband whom we still love) took the boys out to see their mom for Easter. They took her a little basket and some flowers. I am so proud of them, I know Jess is too.

We are supposed to get rain later this week, so the boys and their dad are going to seed grass there for me. I very much want to get a stone on there, but can't because of Jon. He is insisting on a double stone. I refuse. I want a single and he can leave word when he passes to change the stone to a double then. In my mind he gave up rights to a double stone when he began dating so soon after we lost Jess. So for now we leave it as is. Bill has not been able to go out there yet, is barely glances at her pictures or of the boys out there. Too hard for him. Oh, it is hard for me also, but I don't hold it in, if I feel the need to cry or scream I do. He keeps it all in.

Well, I could say I am going to go and get some house work done. That is a lie. I took some benedryl earlier for hives and now I am out of it. So I am going to go take a nap.


Monday, April 9, 2012


I almost forgot I was going to share this site, perfect for Easter, Spring, anytime actually.


March was a black month. The thermometer showed warm temps outside, but inside it was cold. Not only was I deep in grief, I had several medical issues also.

Rylan had a great pirate party, he adored that everyone was wearing pirate t-shirts. I had gotten new pirate costumes for Ava Beth and Rylan, they looked adorable. If I can figure out where the pictures are I will let you see.  Their dad, however, did not make it. I was holding myself together until everyone sang happy birthday to Jessika. Luckily, Rylan was on my lap so I was able to bury my head against his back so no one could see the tears.

Ryder, grandson number two, has been spending a lot of time with us. It is so good to have him around, his personality is so much like Bill, and Rylan looks to have it also.

The warm days make me want to camp. If Bill can get the field work done, we will go Memorial Day weekend. The boys will go with us, I don't know if I will get to take the little ones, their is a lot of tension with their dad. We did take the boys fishing and on a picnic last Sunday. The crappie were biting so we all caught a lot (Of  course I caught the most).

We have lost several trees the last few years because of storms. We need to replace some. Bill is gonna kill me. I have a few fruit trees that we planted 3 years ago, they set some fruit last summer, but I wasn't here to enjoy it. So I decided to plant a few more, I kind of went overboard. I ended up getting a pecan tree, 3 white cherry trees, 2 plum, 2 more pear, a Fuji apple and 3 peony bushes. I wasn't thinking about mowing around them, I was just thinking of the fruit. I had white cherries for the first time last summer and am so addicted. They should come on in June, so if you haven't tried them, you must. I am going to wait till they arrive to break the news to Bill.

The boys always grab our laptops when they are here. Not sure exactly what they did, but both of our laptops had a virus. I finally got mine going again, but am still working on Bill's. I was able to read blogs but I couldn't get the scroll or post features to work, which is the main reason I have been away.

Does anyone know how to teach a cat? She is not a problem, a real sweetheart and great mouser. The problem is when she lays down. She lays down ok if it is on someone, but if she lays anywhere else she walks to the spot then keels over on whichever side she wants to lay on. The only time it is a problem is when she decides to sleep with us, the thud wakes me up every time.

I am looking for good crockpot recipes, if you have any please share.

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