I am baaaccckkkk

So I have been gone for quite a while. I really wanted to concentrate the blog on the positive and well, there just wasn't a lot of positive going on. So I stayed away.

Life is still very complicated, but, whose isn't? I have so much to do and decided to start sharing my positive adventures here.

Due to something negative (which I won't discuss here, at least not now) I am now the guardian for my 3 oldest grandson's. They are settling in, although in this teeny tiny house we are packed in like sardines! They share their Mom's old bedroom (the only other bedroom in the house lol). Since they have had so much happen in their young lives, we have them in counseling, I hope it will prevent future problems.

Now, having 3 boys in the house full time - woe - should be 3 times the laundry, but with sports it is more like 6 times. A friend dropped off several bottles of detergent when the boys moved in. Once that is gone, I have a recipe to make my own and will post the trials here.

Food has been another big shocker. The oldest, 16, is the skinniest person you will ever see. He also eats 2 steaks (with all the fixings), or 6 pork chops (with the works) at a meal. The other two aren't far behind. A few friends have dropped off casseroles which has helped a lot. As soon as I can get some freezer space cleared out, I have a couple of friends who will come out and help me get some freezer meals made. I have been collecting recipes on pinterest and across the web for a few weeks now. Again, these will be posted.

One of the main things I have to get done is soap!!! Due to my allergies it is all but impossible for me to use commercial soap. I have been making my own for close to 20 years now. I also make my own lotions, balms, bath products, etc. I will share all!

So, now to catch up on reading some blogs, and as soon as I get some projects going I will be posting.

Blessings

I am here

Well, here I am another month gone by without me blogging. I have no real excuse. I just get tired of writing sad stuff, so I wanted to wait until I was in a better frame of mind to write.

I didn't have Thanksgiving dinner. The closer it got, the harder it got, until the anxiety was too much and I canceled. We went to Ohio again, to my brother-in-law's. We took all 5 grand kids and they really enjoyed spending time with their cousins.

We went to the mall one day to take the little ones to see Santa. Crack me up!!!!!  Ava Beth and Rylan went up together. Ava Beth told him what she wanted. Then he asked Ry what he wanted, without hesitation Ry said I want a big woody. So the parents/grandparents in line lost it (one of the grandpas said he wanted one too), Santa was able to keep a straight face long enough to hear the rest of his list which included Buzz Lightyear and the rest of the toy story crew. Then he told Santa that he would leave out cookies and milk, but that Santa really only needed two of them. Just like last year, we finally had to drag Rylan away still talking over his shoulder to Santa. I think next year we should sell tickets for when Ry talks to Santa, because you never know what is going to come out of his mouth.

Last year I did no holiday baking, I just couldn't. Tomorrow the little ones are coming out to help me make cookies. It is time to pass this tradition on down. We will make gingerbread cookies (I believe the recipe is on that page if you are interested). This will be the first time I have made them without Jessika since she was 2. There may be a few tears, but it is time. The girl who cleans and runs errands for me is bringing over her two kids so we will all do it together. She can also take over if the pain (physical) gets too bad. Maybe I will even remember to take pictures.

I am going to try and fix a meal again. However, this will be on the 19th, not on the holiday. So, maybe that will be easier.

Do you have a holiday tradition you would like to share?

Blessings

Chocolate, Auctions and Grandkids

Wow, I have been gone for a while. Not sure why, well yes I do. In order to blog I have to think when I think inevitably my thoughts go to Jessika. The first anniversary hit me harder than I thought and I am just recovered from it. Oh, the pain is still there, but I am adjusting to it somewhat.

I have kept myself very very busy. I organized the garage so the guys could finish the interior. I need the heat and electric going before Thanksgiving because I am having dinner this year (I hope I am up for it) and my house is way too small, my table (a little pre-50's table) seats 3 at best.

The guys are calling it a Man Cave. My old furniture is out there. I got Bill a 73 inch tv for Christmas, but had to give it to him early cause it was too big to hide. I plan on moving the video game stuff all out there for the boys.

About that tv. Money is super tight since we had no crops. I found a new auction site (a division of Amazon), it is like a penny auction, bids increase a penny at a time. But, you have to buy the bids. They are .60 each normally, but are generally on sale for .17 to .20. There are no new bidders allowed after an item reaches 5.00. You must be careful bidding. Make sure you are figuring the price of your bids in to the price of the item. Doing that, and being at the right place at the right time, I was able to get that television for under 5.00!!! So happy. I actually got the majority of my Christmas shopping done and for way way under my budget. Oh, the site is Dealdash.com. Been very happy with all my buys so far.

Ava Beth and Rylan helped me put up apples this weekend. We turned a bushel into applesauce and apple butter. Then, we made 3 dozen granny smiths into chocolate covered caramel apples. To die for. I get my kit from http://www.chocoley.com/. Love their chocolate. Can't do that store almond bark after using chocoley chocolate. We had a good time and hopefully made some memories for them.

All my grands were here this weekend. Ryder even had a friend for overnight. It's a house full, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Rase, my oldest, is pretty much living here now. He eats supper here, sleeps here 6/7 nights and his laundry done here so yes I say he lives here. Love it.

I discovered Pinterest, big mistake lol. I have over 1000 pins! So much to do, so little time. I have found a couple of crafty things I want to make the kids for their stockings. Hope I can do it.

That's it. I know there is more, but it isn't registering now so I will blog again soon.

Blessings

Drained

I am drained. I feel like I barely have the energy to breath.

Tuesday was harder than I was prepared for. Some of Jessika's friends joined us to lay flowers. We told stories of a young Jessika. We laughed. We cried. I came home and went to bed.

I slept all day Wednesday, getting up for meals, potty breaks and a quick check of FB. Thursday was the same. I am trying to wake up now, the little ones will be here in four hours. I would call off, but he would hold it against me and make it difficult to get kids in the future. I do see take out pizza for supper.

Bill has never believed in a "date". Meaning no birthday, anniversary, valentine, etc. presents. He does his own thing on his schedule. Which is ok. But he is having trouble understanding why I am hurting so much. It was just a day to him. Not to me. It brought back up all the hurt, pain, sadness, feelings for me. It will take a while for me to work thru these emotions again. Not that they will ever go away, but I will be able to tuck them away again It will be a bit though.

It has been rainy all week. Fits my mood. We get zero rain all summer, lost all the crops. We need to be planting wheat now for harvest next summer. We can't. It is to wet.

Hug your kids, tell your loved ones how you feel. Don't wait another day, hour or minute. You never know.

Blessings

No Words

There are no words to describe how I am feeling. My heart feels like it has been ripped from my body, tears flow freely, I feel like the pain is going to suffocate me.

Tomorrow is the first anniversary of losing my daughter. I don't want it to be. I can't sleep. I don't want to wake up and this last year has been real. If I stay awake I can pretend everything is normal. That Jessika will soon be here.

My brain knows this isn't true, but my heart wants to believe it.

Bill is knocking off tomorrow to stay with me. The older kids will be out after school. We will then take flowers to Jessika. Pink roses. We always sent her pink roses. When she was born, Bill brought me 3 pink roses. Pink for a girl, 3 because she was born on the 3rd day of the 3rd month, roses because it is my favorite flower. Tomorrow we will take her pink roses.

Bill is going to try and go. He has never been there. He can't even drive down the road where she is, he take a route a couple miles out of the way when he needs to pass there. His tattoo is his first acknowledgement that she is gone. I hope he can go. I need him too.

I want to hang pictures of Jess, to talk about her. He has not been ready for that. I hate it. To look at my house there are no signs she was ever here. I need those pictures. I need those memories. I need to make sure the kids never forget her, that they  know her.

Please, please in her memory, hug your loved ones, tell them what they mean to you. I pray you never have to feel this pain.

I had a panic attack today. My first in a while. unless you count when we fly. I think it may have been brought on by the time. In two weeks it will be one year since our lives were forever changed, the first anniversary of when we lost Jessika.

I knew this was going to be hard. I have tried to prepare myself.

Bill is just beginning to heal, he has blocked it as long as he could. He said that getting the tattoo was helpful. He tied the pain of loosing Jess to the pain from the tattoo. They became one and the same. As the tattoo began to heal so has his heart. What is so cool, as even though we just shared this with each other, is that I was doing the same thing.

We still miss her dearly. That pain, that piece of our hearts that disappeared, has forever changed, branded us. Nothing can ever make that better. As we continue to heal, the happy, silly, quiet moments with Jessika begin to dominate. The stronger they become, the more we will be able to celebrate her life.

I wanted to keep my mind as busy as possible this month. I started putting a cookbook together of all of Jessika's favorite recipes and foods. It was to have been a gift for family members for Christmas. Then Bill decided, we should sell the books and use the money for a memorial of some kind for Jess at the local ball diamonds. With 5 kids, there has been and will continue to be a lot of time spent there, and I think it is something Jess would approve of.

I have sorted, gathered, condensed, typed 275 plus recipes that Jess either made or liked to eat. I have a little more to proof, then will send it to the printers. I hope we can profit enough to do a nice memorial.

Once I get this sent off, I will then start sorting pictures to make "memory books" for the kids for Christmas.

That should take a while and keep my mind busy for a while.

Blessings

Fake It Till You Make It

This is one phrase I am sick of. Yes, in some circumstances it is useful, beneficial even. But, I am sick of "faking it". I am tired of going through life pretending everything is peachy keen, while inside I am dying inside.

I am not saying I am not happy, with the exception of Jessika, I am fairly happy. I can have fun, Bill and I just had our best vacation ever. Life, however, is not perfect. We have had one catastrophe after another, the worst, of course, being losing Jessika.

I am scarred. I am not the person I was 2 years ago. I hurt. I can have a good time, but still carry the pain of losing Jess. I can smile through my tears. I will, however, no longer hide those tears. If they are there, I am going to let them flow. This is me, who I am, a grieving parent. The pain will never go away, I will have it every minute of every day of my life. I can still have a life, I can still have fun, form new memories, enjoy family. I will never again "fake it". I will be my true self, the real me, whomever she may be at that moment in time.

Bill and I wanted to do something personal to honor Jessika. While on vacation we got tattoos. Ones we had thought long and hard about. They mean something to us. Bill's is pretty self-explanatory. Mine has hidden meanings. The Halloween before Jess got sick we all went out, in costume, to party the night away. Jessika dressed as the Amy Brown fairy, The Brat. This fairy wore a red strapless dress with over the elbow red and white striped gloves and matching hose. I chose to remember this fun night. When Jess was young, she compared us to the sun and moon. I had golden hair and wore gold jewelry, she had white blond hair and wore silver jewelry. I chose to add a moon for her. A crescent moon open to the left signifies loss or remembrance, so it is open to the left. I added 5 stars for her kids, 4 blue (boys) and one pink. Eventually I will have the sun on my left shoulder redone to go better with the moon.

I am prepared for this next month to be especially difficult as we approach the first anniversary of her loss. In some ways, it feels like it happened yesterday, in others it feels like the pain has been there for years.

Blessings

It's the little things . . .

Today was my 53rd birthday, I did not "celebrate" as it was my first birthday without Jess. I did spend most of the day in reflection. I remembered what my Grandma Shipley told me years ago, it is the little things that matter, the little things are what are most remembered. You may not remember all about a trip, but you would remember how you were treated, the chocolates on your pillow and the turn down service.

Grandma was right. It is the little things that I that I cherish. Jessika's frequent laugh interrupted by a snort. Her quick wit and easy sense of humor. Her turning a recipe into her own. The way her eyelashes looked fake as they were so black and long. I hate that she suffered so long in the hospital. But, I will cherish those days, holding her hand and watching her crazy real crime shows, rubbing lotion on her feet and legs, painting her nails, brushing her hair, and kissing her small hand when I had to leave for the day. It is awful and painful, but I wouldn't trade it. I am more than blessed to have been able to be with her almost every day of her illness. I hope I made life a little better for her. I am glad I was there in the end. It was hard, gut wrenching. I didn't know a human could take that pain and go on. But I know, had I not  been there I would forever regret it.

I was able many years ago to forgive my father. To accept he did the best he could with what he had. We went on to have a very close relationship that I cherish, I do miss him, especially this past year. I decided I was not being fair to my mother, not accepting her as I did my dad. So, in my heart I forgave her. We had a birthday party for Rase, my oldest grandson. I extended the olive branch and invited mom and my step-dad. They came. It was a little awkward, but pleasant. I will accept that she has done the best she can and accept her for who she is, not who I wanted her to be. I had a relatively minor surgery last week. She called to check on me, she made soup and sent it over to us, she even emailed me birthday wishes. All very unexpected. I don't want to put expectations on this relationship, I will take what I can get and be grateful for it.

Jon has been very pleasant of late and generous with the amount of time we get with the little ones. Again, I put no expectations for this relationship, but will take what I can get. I know he is hurting and lonesome, I am trying to be a shoulder he can cry on for however long it lasts.

Well, I think that's enough reflection and tears for today. With so many anniversaries approaching I know the next several weeks are going to be really tough, for all of us. We will get through it. To not, would be an awful way to memorialize Jessika.

Blessings

What If . . .

What if, two little words that can change everything. For some, they bring excitement; what if we won the lottery, what if we got married, what if we painted the wall red.

For me, not so much. I would like to eradicate them from my brain. Those little words bring me much pain and heartache. What if we had stayed at the hospital until Jessika's tests were back, what if I had been in the room and saw what was happening. What if Jon had been open and honest with us in the beginning of her illness. What if I could have stayed with her 24/7.

I am better at hiding the pain now, but when those two little words start swirling in my brain the pain overwhelms me. At night, I lay in bed and watch to see the slow even breathing of sleep in Bill. Then, I can let go. The hot tears run down my cheeks leaving a salty trail for more tears to follow. My heart hurts with the pain, the loss. When I am exhausted, I flip my pillow to the dry side and try to sleep.

When I wake in the morning, I carry on the best I can and keep the pain buried. I have people depending on me, I have to be strong. But, when night falls, and sleep is yet to come, those two little words start swirling in my head and the tears fall again.

I think I'm losing my mind

Actually I think I already lost it!

I have good days, good weeks, but I also have tears, almost every day. Everything will be great and then a thought pops into my head and there I go.

I redid the living room because there are so many memories there, many not so good, lots of negative energy. I got a sofa, chair and a half, and ottoman from a lady here in town for $200, don't think they were ever sat on. Got frilly yellow curtains on the windows, new rug on the floor. Using the ottoman as a coffee table for now, picked up a couple of tables on eBay, and pulled a few things out of storage. Put my little antique kitchen table at one end of living room, new liqueur cabinet (old one literally fell apart), drug a hall table in, replaced TV stand. Saged everything.

When I was done I looked around at my work and realized, I had done it exactly like Jessika would have. She loved the Victorian style and that is what it looks like! I guess I had an invisible hand guiding me. The energy in there is good now. I have a lot of empty frames around, I want to put pictures of Jessika in them, but Bill is not ready yet.

We had Rase's 16th birthday party last night. It was a lot of fun. We had tons of cupcakes, I will post about them later along with recipes.

My wee ones are here for the weekend. Ry is sitting beside me saying the letters as I type and Ava is tapping her foot waiting on me to do her nails, so I will sign off for today.

Blessings

We lost more than Jessika

Last night I was laying in bed watching TV, Bill was in the living room. He hollered the kids are here. I yelled back, good I hope Jess is with them. Then I realized what I had said, and broke down, Bill got pretty watery too and reminded me Jess is with them. It took a while to stop the tears, but my heart is still heavy.

I was on FB earlier, and someone posted a link to a dance studio where Ava took lessons. I clicked on it to see if they had any pictures, they did.

It is hard enough that we lost Jess, but we have lost so much of the kids lives also. Lance usually tags me in pics so at least I get to see ones of the boys, but nothing on the little ones. We were not invited to Ava's grandparents day, and we knew nothing of all the performances I found out she was in. I am going to try and contact one of the mother's and see if they can let us know about events we might want to see. I spent close to an hour going through pictures and here I will share a couple of them. Yes, I am a very proud grandma, of all my babies.

Ava

 Rase with 2 players and Mike Matheny's wife @ a tournament in St. Louis They came in second!

Ava at cheer

Ava and fellow cheerleaders

Ava, front right

Rase at sweetheart dance

Stay Cool!

Is summer already half over?

Summer is flying by. We finally have a break in the >105 temps, still not much rain, only an occasional sprinkle.

The little ones are coming about every other weekend (finally), I have been working with them on swimming. The post below this one shows our progress. Ry had misplaced his trunks (again) and wanted to skinny dip, but I had him keep his undies on this time, lol. This is his first summer in the pool and he is amazing. Ava Beth has been a water rat from her first vacation to Edisto Island at the age of 2 months! She is dog paddling pretty good, and has learned to bounce off the bottom if she sinks. Ry swims with his face down, eyes open in a kind of frog kick. He wears me out, we have to remind him to stop and breath once in a while. Rase did the underwater recording for me, Ryder and Rowdy were at friends houses.

Right after I download this, Pete (the bloodhound) ate the camera. I ordered a new one and hope it is here before the boys go rafting so they can take it with them. I used a Flip video in a Flip underwater housing. It is reasonable (somewhere around $125). We used it a couple of years ago when snorkeling and it did great. It is digital, so everything downloads to your pc via the built in USB (hence the name flip as it flips out). The software is on the camera and downloads the first time you plug it into the pc.

Today is the 17th anniversary of Jessika and Lance (her first husband) wedding. I can not believe it has been that long. It was a HUGE wedding, and so beautiful (I will try and find a pic or two). She had 6 bridesmaids (6 groomsmen) 2 flower girls and a ring bearer. There were 2 receptions, one at the church right after the ceremony, and a big one at the golf course later in the evening. (The caterer for the dinner stopped counting at 500, so glad there was enough food). And of course lots of dancing.

Next week Rase will turn 16. I can't believe it, he should still be a little guy.

We finally started looking at stones. Not ready to buy yet, but looking. We want the final decision to be the older boys. We still have a little looking to do, but when they find it, we will see what we can do.

I think all these things have combined to make me blue. The tears still fall, almost daily. My heart hurts, I know this is never going away. The difference is, I can smile now, laugh, pass on those silly parts of Jessika I want her kids to know.

Since the guys are leaving the day after the party, I am making cupcakes instead of a big birthday cake. That way the guys can take some with them for eating on the road. So far I have decided on: red velvet, dk chocolate with mint filling, chocolate with cream filling, chocolate with chili pepper, key lime, coconut and plain old vanilla. That should keep me plenty busy, hoping to get them baked and frozen this week, then will just have to thaw, fill and frost next week for party. There are a couple more I am thinking about, but will wait and see how much time I have. Bill is going to smoke a couple of pork butts, and I will make baked beans, potato casserole, deviled eggs and pasta salad, those will all have to be done day of. Wish me luck.

So what do you have going on?

Kids Swimming

June

Well I have been MIA for a while as you may have noticed. June was a rough month, in many ways.

I have had some health issues. With no insurance I wont have a lot of tests done, so the doctors are having a bit of a problem figuring out exactly what is wrong. For now we are treating symptoms, so either it will get better on its own, or get bad enough the problem can be identified and fixed.

June was also a very emotional month. I miss Jessika more than ever. It just didn't seem right opening up the pool without her. I would lay on a raft, slipping back and forth between awake and that twighlight sleep we get before totaling zoning out. Something would pop in my mind, and without further thought I would tell Jessika. It finally dawned on me when she would never asnwer that she was not here. The tears would come then. I don't cry as often as I did, but at least once a day a memory will float through my mind and I will cry.

Last time my little ones were here, Rylan was so tired and having a grouchy time, then he started crying that he wanted his mommy. I think this has been harder on him than anyone and he is only 3. I held him and rocked him to sleep and tried not to let my tears drip on him.

Tears were the only water that fell here in June. We have also had many many hot days. Last weekend we were over 106 for a few days, still over 102. Next week it is supposed to be cooler, back down in the 90s. It did rain a smidge over an inch here Monday. The rain came too late for the corn crop though. The corn is pollenating, but there are no ears to pollinate. The beans are hurt from the drought, but the rain should help them some. It will be one rough winter with no income from the farm. I am praying we can salvage enough to pay back the costs of planting.

Several times last month the darkness creeped back in. With the help of Bill, good friends (Nat) and my grandbabies, I was able to keep the darkness to the edges and it didn't envelop me as it has in the past.

Bill is preparing to take the oldest two boys on a whitewater rafting trip in West Virginia with his brother and his oldest kids (have to be over 12 to go). I think it will be good for them. The trip was planned and paid for before we realized how bad the crops were. I am glad for that. I will spend my week sleeping and swimming!

Looks like some friends are here. Ryder is with us again and has a friend out also. I love a housefull, just so wish my baby was here to enjoy it with us. Life is never going to be the same again.

Have a happy and safe 4th.

A post with no title

Well, I am almost recovered from the weekend. Wow!!! Bill's brother, Troy and his wife, Michelle, along with their youngest son arrived last Wednesday for a visit. Troy came to help with wheat harvest, and the other two came to visit.

Ava Beth and Rylan came out Thursday and stayed until Monday. The boys were here also, well except they left Sunday morning to head to a Cardinals game.

Saturday night we had a birthday party for Ava Beth and Lucas (nephew). The kids also initiated the new pool liner. That pool was cold, really cold, I am pretty sure I saw chunks of ice floating in it, but kids don't seem to notice cold if a pool is involved.

Bill and I seem to be at each other throats lately. It is getting hard. We are at very different places in the grieving/healing process, what each of us wants/needs seems to interfere with what the other one wants/needs. Sigh . . .  Patience!!!

You know I colored my hair dark red in December while we were in Vegas. It was nice for a change, but D*A*R*K. It had also gotten long, so long Bill would roll over at night, lay on it, and pin me down. So, I called Sam, my magic scissored beautician and turned her loose on it. I now have a short 'do, and she brought the color back to almost my natural shade of strawberry blond. Hope it helps my mood. At least it is short enough I won't get pinned at night anymore (at least not by my hair - wink wink).

I got some new cook books. Did I mention I am a cookbook addict? I have a few from the first part of the 1900s. No, I don't cook that much, I used too, now I just read the cookbooks and dream. I have come across a couple of recipes for no bake cookies that I will try when the kids are here next. I suspect we aren't going to get that camping trip in until fall. Nineties plus in a tent just doesn't do it for me. So I will give them cookies instead.

We were talking about canoeing over the weekend, and it reminded me of a story, but I will save that for next time.

Stay cool

No Stories Today

Been a little down today, even had a few tears. Today is Ava Beth's 6th birthday, Been a month since I saw them, it is hard.

The good news is, their dad is letting me have them Thursday evening till Sunday. I hope he follows thru.

More good news. My sister-in-law will be here late tomorrow night. Actually, her husband, Bill's brother, is coming for a few days to help with wheat harvest. So Michelle is coming with him. Lucus, her youngest, who is just a little older than Rowdy, is coming also. We will have a joint birthday celebration for Lucus and Ava Beth Saturday night. (I need to get that cake done!)

Rowdy is excited to have his cousin here. The older boys will set up their tent for Rowdy and Lucus. Rowdy wants it close to the house so they can have electricity to watch movies lol. He is also planning on using the new popcorn machine (looks like a mini movie one) to make popcorn. They will also have hot dogs, pop, snow cones and probably cotton candy.  Can you tell Rowdy is my foodie?

The pool is almost full, full enough that Bill could make the connections. Of course, it will be a week or two before it is warm enough for me to get in. I am sure the kids will get in though. That is 1,500 gallons of cold well water, 60 degrees warm. Wonder if that is cold enough to keep the raccoons out? Hate to have the new liner shredded already.

Have a new housekeeper starting tomorrow, I hope. I have not been able to do ANYTHING since my fall, not like I can do anything anyway. This place is a mess, a pigsty, truthfully I am embarrassed to have a new housekeeper see it. Oh well.

Peace & Love

It reminded me of a story

So, I am reading Face Book and see where a friend has posted a picture of hogs being corralled from an overturned truck. Well it reminded me of a story, a little one.

We don't live too far off the highway, a lot of trucks travel this highway, a lot of trucks from south of us carrying veggies to market. So one Sunday, we are sitting on the porch and see a commotion on the highway. DH jumps into his pickup and heads over to see whats up (this is not unusual, there is a slight curve in the road that causes a lot of accidents, the police have asked Bill to help a time or two (or twenty or thirty) to get things cleaned up. The worst was the time that had him looking in the deep ditches for bodies.

I digress, as usual. So he comes up on a truck overturned with cabbage and broccoli spilled all over the place. The driver told Bill that insurance would pay the cost of the lost as these could not be sold since they had dumped. Bill asked what was wrong with them, he said nothing, they just can't be sold. So Bill offers to "clean up the mess".

He came home, got a grain truck, and headed back down to the highway. When he came home, not only was the pickup full of cabbage and broccoli, so was the whole bed of the grain truck. He started calling friends, neighbors and family members to come get some of our loot, while I started blanching and freezing a years generous supply of the vegs. I packed my deep freeze, Bills folk's deep freeze and had huge batches of the green cooking.

One night as we were eating broccoli, like we started doing for most meals, Bill made the comment, he wished a cattle truck would dump, steaks sounded pretty good, or if dairy it would be good to have cheese for the broccoli. Crack me up, next day a cattle truck overturned in the exact same spot as the veggie truck. Alas, they rounded up all the critters, we still had to buy our cheese and steaks.

Later

Operation OTP

Friday, being the coldest day of summer so far, we began Operation OTP, open the pool. Now as you may remember last fall was extremely hard on us, and both are missing large blocks of time. Apparently, the cover did not get put on the pool (I don't remember it being open, but of course I lived in Springfield from May - Oct). This lead to the pool being full of leaves, sour water, twigs, and who knows what else.

It is an above ground, and apparently the neighborhood raccoons are having pool parties. I am sure of this due to the large number of muddy paw prints on the deck, the beer cans strewn about, and the number of crawdaddies in the murky water. If they wouldn't drop their food in the water, I would almost put up with them. Of course, they need to learn how to use the freakin STEPS. This poor liner has been patched so many times that we were putting patches on the patches. This is due to the idiotic raccoons who fall in (too much beer) while washing their crawdads, or decide to take a dip to cool off, and try to climb over the side thereby shredding the liner.

So on Friday, Bill, Rase and Ryder spent the day draining the pool, then cutting the old liner out. Pretty much killed the day. So today, Rase, Ryder, Rowdy and their dad, Lance, came out to help Bill put the new liner in. After struggling with the hunk of vinyl for several hours, I am happy to report the new liner is in, sort of. They began filling it with water, and smoothing out wrinkles as they went. The water is somewhere around 5 or 6 inches deep, and they have turned it off for the evening. Lance, Rase and Rowdy went home. Ryder is  again crashing here (here stayed last night also), Rase will be back in the morning and they will continue filling and smoothing. Then the railing will go back on, pump and filter hooked up, and we sit and wait until the water is warm enough to swim. With my fibromyalgia, I can't handle the water until it is about 89 or higher.  I ordered me a new float, and the kids some new noodles and pool toys.  Let Summer Begin!!!!!

Yesterday, Bill and I headed to Evansville to do some shopping (not quite 2 hours away). Other than doctor appointments I haven't left the house since we got back from Vegas. First stop was Wally world, (a real super wal-mart, ours says super but it isn't, heck it is only open from 7:00 am till 9:00 pm, that should be the first clue). So I pick up some odds and ends, then head to groceries to get some things that aren't available here. Bill caught up with me and we checked out. Now I drive the little cart thingy in the store, Bill went to get the gringo (Durango, named by our then 3 yr old Ryder), and I slowly started pushing the cart out. Next thing I know I am sitting on the floor. Landed hard on my ass no less. With the help of 2 ladies I got up, and despite the encouragement from one of the ladies I did not need the manager, nor was I going to sue. Bill pulled up in the truck then so I made it out there. Thought I was ok, but a little while later I started to hurt.

I managed to make it through Sam's, again riding the cart, with Bill. We got the usual along with some liqueur, Kinky, a pretty pink, and 4 bottles of wine, maybe it was 6. Hmm, I got Skinny Girl white sangria (can't have red wine as it triggers migraines), a couple bottles of Moscato, some pink Moscato, and a couple bottles of white. And lets not forget the Stella, I think he had a case of it. Looked like we were going to party. We are. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law will be here Wed till Sunday. They are bringing their youngest, who is just a little older than Rowdy. Ava's birthday is Tue, and his is the following Monday, so we will also have a birthday party Saturday. (please send good energies, prayers, light candles, etc, that I get the little ones next weekend). Oh, almost forgot, I also got a quart jar of cherries canned in Moonshine. Don't know what I will do with them, but hey it is Cherries in MOON SHINE!!! Couldn't pass them up!

We got in early evening and my fun (not) began. I hurt like bloody hell from the fall. It made me nauseous from the pain, so I sat in the truck while Bill ran the rest of his errands and shopped. Anyway, I didn't eat all day, then ate a burger on the way home. Should not have done that. The belly cramps and spasms started, BAD, I took 3 vicoden, 4 Advil pm, 1 visteral, and 20 mg of Baclofen (heavy duty muscle relaxant) over the course of the night. I still got no relief (maybe I should have tried the cherries) and it was after 4:00 this morning before I fell asleep, only to get up again at 7:30 this morning. Spasms are not as intense, but I would still rate them 6 on a scale of 1 - 10. If I would have had insurance I would have gone to the ER. I usually keep Donnetal (belladonna & phenobarbital) for when I have a spell, but it has been long enough I hadn't gotten it refilled. I will be calling the dr tomorrow to get it refilled and hopefully get some relief. I have got to do a major number on the house before Wednesday.

Well kids, that's it for today, I have to see if I have any vicoden left cause spasms are getting worse, I am trying to stay on top of them now. Need to check and see if any more bruises or scrapes have shown up (I look dirty there are so many lol). Did I mention I love my ex-son-in-law? I do, he is great. I wish I could have that kind of relationship with Jon, it would be so much nicer for all of us. I am reading this over and I realize, Raccoons have it out for me. Wonder if they keep in touch with cell or land lines?

Till next time.

Blessings

Funny Farm Phone

I was perusing through Amazon looking for a gift(s) for Ava Beth who will be 6 on the fifth. Had she arrived less than an hour later she would have been born on 6-6-6, her brothers claim if you considered Eastern time, she was, which explains her personality.

I digress. So Amazon makes some movie recommendations for me. The movie Funny Farm was suggested. And, that reminded me of a story . . .

Several years ago I owned and operated from my home a temporary agency. It was ok, but the big boys were moving in. I was offered, and taken over by one of them. I was made an area manager, given a big salary (for the time) and was to set up my own office.

The day came that the office was ready to go, and all I needed was the phone to be hooked up. I was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to make it and my boss was waiting on my call. The guy finally came, hooked me up and took off. I picked up the phone, dialed my boss's number and heard; Please deposit .25 cents for your call to be connected. WTF! I hung up and tried again, and a third time, same message every time. Ok, I will just call the operator and have her connect me. So I give the operator the number and she says, please deposit .25 cents and I will connect your call. OMG I explained that this was an office phone, she said you will have to deposit .25 or I can't connect your call. Hmm, ok, where do you want me to deposit the money? In the coin slots. There are no freakin coin slots, it isn't a payphone it is an office phone!!!!! I guess I sounded desperate because she finally connected me with a department that could help me, and yep, they had the number listed as a payphone. They had to switch stuff there, and a repairman had to come back out to get me hooked up correctly.

After I hung up from the phone company, I realized how funny the whole situation was. I left early to go home so I could call my boss. She didn't believe me because it was too bizarre. So she came down the next day when the phone guy was supposed to be there to check up on me (she was a bitch, I only lasted about 6 months), the repairman fixed the set up and explained it all to the boss.

I can't see the movie Funny Farm without remembering that.

Blessings