May is awful, too many bad memories here. I need June to move on.
We had all the kids last weekend, it was fun, it was sad, there was a lot of love, hugs and a few tears.
Saturday started off with a large bouquet of flowers delivered from all of the grandkids. Beautiful. The weather was great so we spent most of the day outside. Lots of work to do on the yard and many new trees to plant. The boys even broke the frisbee out to play. Later in the evening two of our friends and their girls came out to deliver another bouquet of flowers for me.
Sunday, the kids and I took a bouquet of flowers out to their Mom. This is where the tears started. As soon as we got there Rylan jumped out of the truck and started looking around. I was not aware neither he nor Ava Beth hadn't been there yet.
Slowly, with his head hanging in dissapointment, Rylan came up and said, "Bubbah, I can't see Heaven." Rase looked for tissues for me while I explained that we can't see Heaven until we get there. He seemed to accept that, so we took the flowers over and did a little housekeeping. We took a few pictures, and got ready to leave. Rylan started crying and yelling, "I don't want Mommy to have flowers over and over again, but wouldn't say why. We loaded up and ran a few errands then went home. Later in the evening Rylan started crying again and saying he didn't want Mommy to have flowers. Again, I asked why, he finally said, "I want her to come here to get them". Tears poured all the way around. I tried to explain she couldn't get them, but she would see them. Leave it to the innocense of a child to express what we all feel.
Throughout the last year I have learned many things. Some of them are the amazing capacity for tears that humans have. When you experience a loss, the pain never goes away, you just get accustomed to it. Children will always say what adults are thinking. You are stronger than you think you. Love never dies. A Mother's heart will never heal completely. When you are an advocate for your patient in the hospital you learn more and get better care. Never miss a chance to hug those you love or to tell them you love them.
Bill has decided to knockoff for Memorial Weekend. We are going to take the crew camping (tent), fishing and four-wheeler riding. We are all ready for some fun.
The back porch is about 50% cleaned. When we get it done I am so ready to make some soap. We are down to a few bars and I can't use commercial because of all the chemials. I also need to get some sunburn lotion and booboo cream made, as it is the season.
I am so far behind on movies, I now have quite a stack and plan on catching up starting tonight. Ok, not tonight, Bravo has some good shows on tonight. Anybody watch the Real Housewives of ? shows. I admit it, they are my guilty pleasure. If you do, and you watch the OC, answer this, does Vickies new boyfriend, Brooks, remind you of G. W. Bush when he talks? Well they aren't on tonight but the new Chef show is as is the season finally for the interior decorating show (yep like them too).
I saw a new doctor today for my knees since the other one had retired. Of course we had to do all the x-rays again. Guess what the diagnosis was, I need new knees! No shit sherlock. Can't happen cause I have no insurance nor do I have a hundred grand laying around. He did give me injections. My old doc would shoot in numbing stuff first, then the kenalog so it wouldn''t hurt so bad. I thought they all do that. Oh hell no. This guy goes straight for the kenalog behind the kneecap with no numbing. I bit my jaw to keep from screaming and tried not to pee my pants at the same time. Home now, in bed. PAIN Now this is pretty common for the first few days, but I sure wasn't expecting it to hurt this much so soon. Bill did bring in my camping porta potty and set it by the bed for me to use (this is because first time I had to tinkle I didn't make it cause it hurt to much to walk that far). Wonder if I can get him to make me some popcorn for my tv viewing pleasure, yeah and a coke, that sounds good. I don't usually drink pop, I am an iced tea girl all the way (I think I picked that up when I lived in Mississippi), but I just don't think tea "goes" with popcorn.
Till next time
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Posted by Deb at 7:26 PM
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