Each night I stare at the sky
the thousands of twinkling stars
and I imagine you there
dancing among the Moonbeams.

And the tears flow like rain
as I think of the time we were together
I am broken now, lost without you
But I know, the thing that will always connect us
are our Heartstrings

Monday, January 16, 2012


The house is quiet again. All of my babies have gone to their respective homes. I probably shouldn't call them babies, Rase is six months away from getting his license and my car. The weekend, a long one at that, was very nice with a few bittersweet moments.

Friday Rylan was looking at the pictures on the wall. He zeroed in on their family picture and stared at Jessika. Then he turned to look at me, those big blue eyes and in a little voice, barely above a whisper, said "I miss my mommy". Well my faucets turned on, I buried my face in his shoulder and choked out that I missed her too. The room got pretty quiet and I noticed the other kids had heads turned, hidden or wet cheeks. We sat that way for a few minutes, then he asked why he wasn't in the picture. I explained he was in his mommies tummy when that picture was taken. He thought a second, then said "That's right, I was in Mommy's tummy and Ava threw me a rope and I pulled myself out". Laughing, I told him I didn't know that. The levity helped a lot.

Bill and the older boys cooked tacos for supper for us Friday. A nice surprise, and we think it is time to start teaching some of these skills to them.

Saturday, Ryder had a friend out to ride 4-wheelers. She is his best friend, but not his "girl friend". Ava was all over her, and asked a million questions. It was obvious she is in need of female attention. Several times she wanted me to lay down with her so we could talk, I did and we covered everything, most of it concerning her mom's likes and dislikes. I love those talks.

Saturday night I had a little accident. Ava wanted to sleep by me, so I let her put her sleeping bag on the floor by my bed. She went to bed and a little while later I headed there also. However, she had moved to right inside the doorway and I didn't see her until I started to stop. You can not change direction easily mid stride and I went down, hard, I saw stars. I missed Ava Beth but landed on my right arm and side. I am black and blue. Can't straighten my right arm yet due to the swelling around my elbow, and my right leg won't bend, again due to the swelling. With the fibro, as my fellow suffers know, something like this triggers a full body attack, so I am in misery.

Sunday we broke out the cotton candy machine for the first time. I got it for all the kids to keep here. Jessika had one when she was young and it was always fun to make it when she had friends over. So I told the kids stories about when their Momma made cotton candy while we made it. We also watched the movie Labyrinth, this was a favorite of Jessika's and is now a favorite of the kids. I promised we would watch it again when they came back.

The boys helped Bill clean the concrete pad our garage is going on today, then cleaned up all the down sticks and limbs in the yard. I kept the little ones amused. The plan was for Ava Beth and I to make whoopie pies today, but I am much to sore for that, so we will do it next time.

Ava was upset she had to leave tonight. She wants to live with me, for at least 50 years! I wish my health, wallet and house size would allow that (probably not for 50 years though). For now, I will settle for my every other weekend visits. I suspect it will be much more than that this summer, at least I hope so.



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