Each night I stare at the sky
the thousands of twinkling stars
and I imagine you there
dancing among the Moonbeams.

And the tears flow like rain
as I think of the time we were together
I am broken now, lost without you
But I know, the thing that will always connect us
are our Heartstrings

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Time for Me

Today I have been blog hopping (what else is there to do when you are supposed to take it easy?). I was reading Aine's post over at http://deepestwell.blogspot.com/  she spoke of finding time for oneself. She told of things she has done to make time. This got me to thinking. Do I find time for myself? Am I doing what I want?

The answer would have to be no. Right now I am down, so I can't do anything for anyone. I want too. The biggest goal I am setting for myself this year, and I will do it come hell or high water, is to make memory books of Jessika for the kids and other family members that she was especially close too. I have to do this. It will be painful at first, dredging up the old memories, good times, and bad times. I hope to heal my heart, as much as possible by doing this. So even though it would appear I am doing it for others, I am actually doing it for myself. The bonus will be giving the finished book to loved ones.

I used to quilt. When the grand babies came along all of that had to be stashed away. I don't even know if I remember how to quilt now. I have asked Jessika's husband for her tee-shirts. I would like to incorporate them into quilts, along with squares containing photos of Jess for the kids, Bill and Jon. I think this is a long term goal. As of now, Jon has not been able to go through any of Jess's things, nor will he let anyone else. That is ok. He needs to grieve in his own way. I believe someday I will get them. But my priority is the memory book.

Which leads to my first goal. Find out what went wrong with my laptop and fix it. Or try to salvage what was on the hard drive. I had bought and downloaded a LOT of graphics to use in the memory books but had not yet transferred them to a thumb drive. I need those graphics and photos. So, tomorrow I will look into that. I can't do everything I want on the Fire or Touchpad, and Bill is usually on his laptop when I would want to be. So, first goal, fix laptop. Second goal scan pics. Third goal start putting them into order to make the books. I want to include antidotes, traditions, recipes, all things Jessika loved or did that was funny (and it will be hard to limit those). Her friends are looking for pics of her to get to me, they have also been posting memories they have of Jessika on a face book page I made for her. These will all be included in the memory book.

I need to be doing something productive, instead of just laying around waiting to heal - boring. I am going to do something for me. I haven't done that for a long time.

What would you do with time you have made just for yourself?


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