Each night I stare at the sky
the thousands of twinkling stars
and I imagine you there
dancing among the Moonbeams.

And the tears flow like rain
as I think of the time we were together
I am broken now, lost without you
But I know, the thing that will always connect us
are our Heartstrings

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Where Did The Time Go?

It was only a few weeks ago when we had Christmas with our grand kids. So when I saw Ryder last night I was shocked!

My sweet little Ryder, who turned 13 in November, turned into a young man in 2 weeks!!! I can't believe I was so distracted at brunch not to notice this, either I was or his hormones kicked into overdrive since then. Ryder called and asked if he could stay over last night. We were so excited. He walked in the door and yelled Hello, I wondered who had come in, I looked and my second grandchild was standing there with the voice of a man. Then when I hugged him I saw dark peach fuzz on that upper lip. Good grief, what happened to my mischievous little guy? The baby face is gone, in it's place is the beautiful face of a young man. Even his eyebrows look different. I still haven't fully adjusted to Rase being a teen, now I gotta get used to this one also!

I have to brag on all my grand kids. At Halloween the boys took jack-o-lanterns out to their Mom. They wanted her to have a tree at Christmas, so their dad took them out to her.

I think their caring, love and kindness speaks volumes about the type of Mother Jessika was.

I miss her so much, I know the kids do too. In a few months we will have to start looking for a stone for her. I am afraid that will bring on a fresh bout of pain for all of us.

Thank you for your kind words and support.  I will leave you with a "poem" that a friend found and sent me.

Dear Friend,

Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time.
Please don't take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don't be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.

Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give.

Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them.

Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired clich├ęs. I can't handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.

Please don't try to find the "right" words to say to me. There's nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words.

Please don't push me to do things I'm not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.

Please don't stop calling me. You might think you're respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment. Please don't expect me to be the same as I was before. I've been through a traumatic experience and I'm a different person.

Please accept me for who I am today. Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I've worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive, and compassionate friend-because I have learned from the best.


1 comment:

  1. Moonbeam your right its exactly what I neede, I made a copy of it to give to Hailey, mt friends daughter who's now is mine. Thank you, Natalie


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