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Having a rough day. Not sure why. Maybe pain, maybe pain meds. With all the sunshine and hints of spring I should be happy, or at least at peace.
Instead I have been weepy all day and my hearts so. The sun reminds me of all the days Jessika and I would take tea on the front porch and gossip, catch up or just sip tea. As the temperature became warmer the hummingbirds would arrive and my feeders would be hung. Jessika loved watching them flit around. As summer wore on they would become accustomed to us and would come in close for a look. Jessika was not fond of the barn swallows though- We always have a pair with a nest on the outside corner of the porch. Once their babies had hatched the swallows would swoop if we got to close and they always swoop whoever is sitting in the porch swing which was Jessika's favorite place to sit.
So once again I am overwhelmed with memories but I'm not strong enough to handle them. I don't know if I will ever be strong enough. I love looking at her pictures, stroking face on the paper or screen. But the pictures are blurry through the tears and I wonder if I will ever be able to clearly see them again.
How does one recover from a broken heart, how does one move on when part of their heart is gone? If anyone knows please share'
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
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First, let me thank you for your kind words on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI went back to read your story from the beginning of this blog, and I just don't know what to say. I couldn't imagine losing a child. I don't think you ever 'recover', but the pain will begin to subside as time goes on. Writing has always helped me to heal, and I think blogging or journaling is a great release. Have you read any of Elizabeth Kubler Ross? If not, do so. Reading her has helped me to heal.
We seem to have several things in common. I, too, suffer from fibro and lower back pain...both getting worse as time passes. I also recently moved from a 5 room apartment into a 3 room and am still sorting and wondering how I am going to do this. I've donated so much stuff, yet still have much that I cannot part with. Perhaps, when you are feeling better, you can offer me some tips.
My prayers are with you.
Mary